SUMMARY: In smalltown 1955, this newlywed couple hides a dark secret: They’re not a couple! Dick is an anxious gay man trying to make his way through the businessworld undiscovered, while his wife Lucy is a wacky asexual/aromantic woman doing her meager best to be a housewife. While they’d rather kiss a frog than each other, these best friends help each other through family dinners, nosy neighbors, and the strange ideas surrounding sex in 1950’s middle America.
ABOUT: Traditional Marriage is reminiscent of the old 50’s sitcoms, most especially the Dick Van Dyke show and I Love Lucy. With the distance of time (and elimination of the Hays Code) it explores the fun raunchy elements it was really meant to. Based on the real life friendship between myself, an aro/ace lady, and my gay platonic soulmate.
The Happy Couple(ish)
Dick Bent: Dick is always desperately trying to appear as normal, to the neighbors, his family, and his work colleagues. In doing so he’s done everything to appear as the most normal man possible, in the hopes that he will one day be allowed to pursue his true passion, comic books. He knows that if he’s discovered as queer, he’ll be completely ostracized. He all but breaks his back in the effort to keep his toes in line. Still, he cherishes the moments he can relax and be himself: A total nerd.
Lucy Bent: Lucy is constantly excited to take on new projects and activities–everything except for housewife duties. She’s horrendously socially awkward, but never lets that get her down. She finds enjoyment in strange and wonderful hobbies that can waste her time. She’s never been normal, but realized as she grew up that she was even worse than expected, never developing attraction to her peers, men or women. While for safety she makes the attempt to be “normal,” at home she can embrace every hobby under the sun.
Them together: Lucy and Dick met in high school where they were immediately drawn together with their oddness. While they initially rejected accusations they were ‘sweethearts’ they realized as their sexualities didn’t match what was expected, it was easier to play into those expectations. They grew up and got married so that they could continue the illusion and support each other in a world that demanded they be someone they’re not. While they’re not a typical husband and wife, they do love each other. They are the ultimate best friends and platonic soulmates.
The Office
Dick works at Hayes Publishing House, hoping that someday it will lead to a career writing comic books. For now, he’s stuck in a dead-end accounting job that pays the bills, but slowly sucks at his soul.
Bob Hayes: Bob isn’t your normal corporate overlord, he’s a Fun Boss. He’s open, he’s progressive, and that’s why he lets his employees not wear a tie on Fridays. Healthcare? Benefits? Raises? That’s something for someone else to handle. But he’s got a code, and that’s if anyone in his office is having dinner together, he’s invited as well. It’s all about corporate inclusion. He doesn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t like the Hayes Code.
Harold Raymond: Harold has been working at Hayes publishing possibly forever and now subsists solely off office gossip and the whiskey he’s put in his water cup. He will shirk work at the drop of a hat, but for some reason is never fired. Instead he spends his time ragging on his wife, pestering to learn about his coworker’s sex lives, and working on his masterpiece: the longest paperclip chain in the world.
Willy Johnson: Bright eyed and still full of hope, Willy is the handsome new hire at Hayes Publishing. He still has dreams that he can change things and make a difference at his entry level position. It would be adorable if it weren’t so sad. Still, he’s got a sweet optimism and caring for his dear sweetheart, Dorothy Giffords.
The Neighborhood
Wright Place is a sweet little street, home to a number of fine families that are committed community members, under the threat of the looming HOA. These housewives do not appreciate Lucy’s eccentricities, but she does her part in her own unique way.
Betty-Rose Stockton: Betty-Rose (never just Betty) is the picture perfect housewife. Her house is immaculate, garden overflowing with luscious plants, cooking delicious, and every hair strand is set in place. She extends her iron fisted control as president of the HOA and organizer of several community events. She will bring down that Lucy Bent if it’s the last thing she does.
Dorothy Giffords: Dorothy is Lucy’s best friend. She’s also Betty-Rose’s best friend, and Tabitha’s and Willy’s and Dicks. She is a friend to anyone, even if she’s not the cleverest bulb in the toolbox, or however that goes. She’s been courted by Willy Johnson, and they hope to get married soon. Dorothy’s priority is always making sure everyone’s happy, a difficult feat for the ladies of Wright place.
Tabitha Green: Tabitha mistakes her high-beehive hair and cat eye glasses for a personality. A little older than some of the other wives, she is desperate to still be allowed along with their young antics before she’s relegated to being part of the Old Lady’s club. To keep her standing, she is quick to follow along with anything Betty-Rose says. She has not formed an opinion for herself since 1947.
Pilot
Dick has been struggling with his appearance, making sure he doesn’t seem to gay to the neighborhood kids
The goal is made all the harder when a new worker starts at Hayes Publishing, one Willy Johnson. Dick is instantly smitten, especially when he hears Willy might be a “Friend of Dorothy” just like him. He and Willy bond over comic books and having unfortunate names. When Dick tells Lucy, she’s instantly excited, ready to set the pair up. Dick think’s it’s too dangerous, and could risk outting him at work. Lucy takes matters into her own hands and invites Willy over for dinner.
Both Lucy and Dick’s plans go awry when Bob Hayes invites himself along to the dinner as well! Lucy has put a lot of effort into making a nice, queer dinner for her husband, and she won’t see it ruined. So, she takes it upon herself to keep Hayes distracted and so allow Dick and Willy to get to know each other. This means subjecting herself to Bob’s “marriage advice” for young ladies to keep their husband’s interest. Meanwhile, Dick has to do his best to charm Willy and find out if he’s actually queer too.
Finally, Willy admits to being a friend of Dorothy. Dorothy Giffords, that is, a sweet young lady he’s been courting, and wants to propose to. Bob takes him out to impart his wisdom on this new pupil, leaving Dick and Lucy alone, as they always seem to be. But at least they have each other.
Episodes
Brownie Points: Lucy is determined to beat Betty Rose in the neighborhood bake sale. The problem is, she can’t bake. When she buys brownies off a seedy teenager, she brings chaos to the sale, not realizing the brownies had a “secret ingredient.”
Cheaters Sometimes Prosper: The ladies of Wright Place are convinced Dick is cheating on Lucy. Not wanting to out her or her husband, Lucy follows them on an investigation to find out what he’s really up to.
Wash One Off: Dick buys Lucy a new washing machine. Lucy accidentally finds out the joy of masturbating, and questions her entire identity.
Pulp Subscription: Lucy gets addicted to the storyline of a pornographic pulp fiction book and pulls Dick into a desperate search to find the final book.
Join the Club: Howard and Willy take Dick out to a strip club. Dick ends up being one of the favorites among the strippers and has a fascinating conversation with them, until Lucy shows up trying to get him out of the trip.
Party Snooper: Dick is desperately trying to pull together a surprise party for Lucy, and is surprisingly good at all the housework portions. Lucy stays distracted with an impossible to solve scavenger hunt.
Bet the Charm: Willy and Dorothy challenge Dick and Lucy to a series of contests to prove who is the town’s cutest couple. Lucy gets more than a little lost in the competition, and Dick struggles to get them out of it.
Nosy Caper: Dick and Lucy notice their reclusive neighbor has suddenly taken an interest in them. They struggle to make sure he doesn’t find out the truth about their relationship and report it to the whole neighborhood.
“Happy” Society: Dick and Lucy catch wind of a queer society in the city and plan a vacation to visit. They struggle as they realize they are actually TOO traditional for this community and struggle to realize they don’t fit in here either.
Taking Dick-tation: When the secretary at Dick’s office has extended sick leave, Lucy comes in to join. She is very good at the position itself, but struggles with the sexism of her coworkers.
Til Laws Allow Us To Divorce: Lucy and Dick attend Willy and Dorothy’s fairytale-style wedding. They flash back to their own wedding, reflecting on the nature of relationships and how they fit into society.
Laura Willard the Nebula Writer 